About Clubs

 I never thought I would ever attempt to write about nightclubs. 

I don't go to clubs very often, but whenever I do, the only things I do there are: getting shitfaced drunk and watching people. Of course the people watching would start before I succumb to the deadly seductive power of more and more liquor. 

Women have their make-up to hide their flaws and imperfections, and we humans have our masks to disguise our real personalities. We hide them under layers and layers of decoys because we are afraid that others might unearth them and expose us for who we really are. 

The rain will fall, however, and the woman with the make-up will suffer because it will be washed up exposing all her flaws for everyone to see. For us, our masks fall off when we are drunk, and we are left with no choice than to expose ourselves. 

It is amazing how people can consume the same liquor but morph into completely different individuals. One will resort to dancing like they are some reincarnation of Michael Jackson, you will see another flirting with everything that moves, others will devour each other's mouths like starved bulldogs. Someone will smoke like their lungs are rental property, others will chat the night away until they lose their voices by morning. There are some who will become violent, imagining themselves to be some kind of action heroes. 

The things that happen inside a club are very strange. At the entrance, you are met with some bulky guys with ill-fitting suits and thick necks, they will frisk you just in case you have a weapon with you. They won't frisk your girl's purse though, I have never really understood why. If you want to smuggle a gun inside, be sure to use your woman. 

Inside, you will see the definition of hell on earth. If there is a hell, I presume it will look more like clubs. So much chaos, seduction, it is where human nature unleashes the animal inside each one of us. There are all kinds of people. Old and young - who mingle more than you can ever imagine. You'll see young ladies who are barely out of their teens grinding and twerking for men old enough to be their fathers. The old men are as usually as fat as their pockets, one look at their bellies and you might be tempted to think that they have stored everything they have ever eaten inside there. Young men are not left behind, you will see them cuddled with women twice their sizes, trying too much to fit in at a place they are not even supposed to know of its existence in the first place. 

There are the lovers, those who are probably in relationships or heading up to them. You will see one guy making desperate attempts at a kiss with minimal success, and then, sensing the futility of his efforts, he will pour another shot for the woman so that she can get drunk. In most cases, I have seen guys getting lucky by taking that route. 

There are groups of guys who accompany each other with no woman in sight. They are there for a good time, or probably because they couldn't find women to bring into the scene. One or two of them would be seen trying to pick up random women with minimal success, others dancing perhaps with the intention of getting some cheap attention. Whatever they do, they will keep coming back to their table because they usually don't have enough liquor, so they have to make sure that the ones who remain at the table don't swirl the liquor down and yet the night is still young.

There is the female counterpart of the above - women who come in groups to experience what is famously known as 'girls night outs.' They are not much different from their male equivalent, only that it is the men who come to their table. There is usually one who sits at the head of the table - it doesn't matter the way the table is, you will know because the others hang by her every word like a thread. She is usually the ugliest or the fattest, it has to be one or both. If you are lucky enough to sweep one of her friends off her feet, you will have to convince her too if you want to get lucky that night. Apart from the 'mother hen' as she is usually called, the bunch is also filled with meaningless drama. Just one glance towards their direction and you will notice the jealousy and envy reeking from their table, mixed with the different scents of perfumes of different prices, quality, and disgust. 

There are those who spend their time rushing to and from the DJ booth, making requests of different songs, one would think the club belongs to them. Apart from their attention seeking behavior, there is nothing much to say of this type of people. 

There are the beggars. Staggering from one table to the next, greeting everyone who will give them the attention they so desperately crave, and then bombard them with some slangs that are making headlines on social media just to disarm them. After they are nice and ready, they will then hit them with the 'can I have a shot bro?' Most drunk people are usually very kind, so they will give them a shot or two. Misery loves company I suppose. 

There are also the women with heavy make-up, with those large purses or handbags (I'm not sure). They usually plant themselves at a strategic spot where they can catch the attention of their targets easily. They would then play hard to get for a few minutes, all the while holding their breaths that you don't leave. Once you are drunk with their sweet nothings, they will strike hard, whether then or later. Most will agree to be taken home, but by the time you wake up in the morning, you will have lost your possessions. 

Usually by the time it hits three in the morning, I am either too drunk and foraging my way towards the entrance so that I can find my way home, so I can't tell you more about what happens in clubs from that time. 

Clubs have their significance. People in clubs are either looking for something or escaping something. People tend to convince themselves that they don't fall into that tiny little box but we all do. Some are looking to get laid, some to flex their money - whether hard earned or not, some to escape from their own depression. For those who are simply alcoholics, they are just looking for liquor. The smart thing is to understand what it is you are after, then go ahead and do whatever is necessary. 

I don't know if it is true but I have met people who claim that they made meaningful connections with people they found at a club. What I know is that I have met some very conniving people in clubs - the ones I made the mistake of lending my ear, and I was disgusted by the act that I no longer talk to strangers in a club. I have also met quite a number of people who admit to being irked up by the people of the other sexuality.

So, in a nutshell, are clubs the best of places to enjoy a good drink? Absolutely not. Scratch that, it depends with the kind of person you are - if you are the intimate kind, perhaps clubbing isn't the best option for you. I prefer a cozy place, with philosophy and romance floating in the air, with no music whatsoever, or perhaps some slow music in the background. 

To each his own.