Cool Uncle Musings

 MUSINGS OF A COOL UNCLE

 Hey there duuudee!

It's your uncle again. Just touched down from Dubai, the girls there are something else, man. I have been shitfaced drunk and high for four days, and I need a long sleep. Before that, though, let me tell you a few things. 

I am a man of forty years, no kids, no wife, no prospects, no emotional attachments, fairly rich, sleeps with models often - all characteristics that may fascinate a young man of your age, perhaps that's why you're one of the few friends I have. 

You see, though, man, the reason I became this way is not some divine interference or some predetermined forces; I did this to myself. That's what you get when you decide the course of your life in the deceitful age of youth. I crafted a faint path in my twenties, and I have had to follow through with it right to adulthood. 

I laughed at my friends who got married in their late twenties, how they couldn't travel or sleep with whoever they wanted, how they had curfews, how they lived on tight budgets, how they were tethered by their kids and wives, how they had to put their lives on hold to accommodate their new realities. I laughed so hard one time when a friend of mine told me that his wife decided what investments he got into. 

The reason your dad, grandma, and pretty much anyone else who knows me keep warning you about spending time with me is because they gave me life's template. And I tossed it away, because I was feeling adventurous as it were - where was the fun in that? I put on my Christopher Columbus face and I charted my own path in this elusive thing called life. To them, life was all about legacy: kids, a respectable job, a loving wife, being involved in society's activities, voting, and all that. I heard what they said, smiled, nodded, then went ahead and did whatever the hell I wanted. What do you mean you know the meaning of life, and it is family? Alright, smartass, why don't you hold a press conference and tell the philosophers that the question that they've been struggling with for two thousand years took you thirty years to figure out?  

But family is family, like Tommy Shelby says in Peaky Blinders, "To family, sometimes it is the shelter from the storm, sometimes it is the storm itself." You don't choose the ethos of the family you're born into; you either smarten up and find your own ethos or sink with them. The family is the basic unit of society, a nation, even. Civilization has cashed out on the brainwashing of families because, well, "Monkey see, monkey do." If you are born into a functional family, there is a fat chance that you'll end up having a functional family of your own someday. Just what is a functional family? I believe it is one that has a defined hierarchy, the father (or the mother if the father is whipped) at the top, and the others hang by his every word; but he is also secure enough to delegate some facets of his decision making process and to factor in his family's happiness. In other words, they either have the same beliefs in the big things or they are extremely accommodating of opposing beliefs. Very hard for a family to have some members being atheists and others blind believers; someone will have to accommodate the other, no? And it won't be the believers, that much I'm certain. 

I'm not naïve enough to blame my family dynamics for my own choices. Our family was a fairly happy one: we all shared the same beliefs until I grew up, read a bunch of old books, and decided I was the wiser. Would you blame me? That climb of the mountain of knowledge is a deceitful one. There is a quote that says, "Before I sought Enlightenment, the mountains were mountains and the rivers were rivers. When I sought Enlightenment, the mountains were not mountains and the rivers were not rivers. When I reached satori, the mountains were mountains and the rivers were rivers." Basically, the person who has no clue about how the world works is just the same as a man who spent a hundred years of his life learning the machinery and the system of the world. It is that climb that overpromises and underdelivers - you find a book that attempts to tell you all there is to life, and by the end of it, it admits that there's no way to know for sure, what? Why do you think the wisest man who ever lived knew nothing? 

What was the point of all that above? Well, I just wanted to crush that unshakeable belief you have of me being all-knowing and such. Yes, I'm well-read, perhaps one of the few good things I have done with my life, but that also means I know nothing. Maybe that's why I find myself in conundrums time and again - if you read a lot, you learn that there's no one absolute way of doing something, there are multiple and they're all correct in their own right, so how do you choose which one to go with? And no, you can't just pick any; there are other factors and variables in play as well. For a common person, he knows only one way, so to him, it is not even a dilemma. 

The women now, I know that topic brings chills down your spine. I am what you call an emotionally unavailable man, not just to women but also to friends and family. How many times have you needed me and I was nowhere to be seen? I think it's a bad habit that I entertained for too long, and its roots spread too wide. Buddy, let me apologize deeply for the casual manner with which I have brushed off your emotional concerns in the past. It was inconsiderate of me. God, if I had to apologize to everyone I have fucked over, I might just spend the next thirty years tracking each of them down. With love, I don't consider myself unlucky - just clueless and lazy. On many occasions, I have found an oasis in my desert-like love life, but instead of savouring the discovery, I took to my heels in the other direction. I don't know if I hate or fear the exclusivity that love in the mainstream domains promise. Love is just a contract like any other, I mean, there are documents involved and the law as well. But it is a naked contract. When I breach a contract that was designed to last forever, the consequences should be dire, but not with love. If you cheat on me with my gym instructor, you can demand a divorce from me, together with half of my wealth. All is fair in love, huh? "How is it my fault? I just don't love you anymore, and even if I force myself to stay, I'll be miserable and you'll be miserable as well. And you deserve someone who realizes how  amazing person you are." No fucking thanks! So, the reason I haven't bothered to find a nice little lady to wake up to for the rest of my life is the treachery of love. "But, uncle, only 40% of couples divorce!" Yes, buddy, it is that 40% I am pissed off about. 

Another juicy topic. Religion. Yes, I am an agnostic as it were, not an atheist. There is an anecdote that strikes the difference between the two perfectly. An atheist and an agnostic are walking down a path, and then they see a burning bush, "I AM WHO I AM!" The agnostic rushes into the bush trying to find a device with the recording, but the atheist simply walks on. Of course if a believer were there, he'd have removed his shoes and awaited the important instructions that his Lord was to give him. It is with religion that I've had the most fights with the people I love. In our family, even an imaginary thought like mine of the absence of God is an abomination - most of them will be quite alright with never talking to such a man again. What amazes me though, is how humans make it their responsibility to fight and protect their God; I mean with all his powers, he should be the one protecting his subjects, not the other way around. Isn't that what caused martyrdom and the crusades - people taking matters into their own hands for the 'glory of their God'? All the while committing exactly what their God forbade them from - murder. At the same time, just because I'm a skeptic of religion doesn't mean I haven't read the scriptures. That's why I know it's one thing to acknowledge that God exists, and it is another to actually live a sinless life so as to enter the pearly gates. 

The reason I am an agnostic is because I know how the world needs religion, not the other way around. It keeps our animalistic nature in check. I advise that you conduct your own investigation, gather the facts, and make your own decision. If you're feeling particularly lazy, do as Blaise Pascal said, in believing in God, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain, because whatever the outcome, you'll be fine. 

Ah, I'm too sleepy, and when that happens I tend to make circles in my arguments. Buddy, allow me to stop here so I can take a little nap. If you enjoy this, I might write you another one (if I get the time, I'm flying to Vegas in a week). 

A song called She Used To Love Me A Lot starts with the line, "I am no slave to whistle, clock or bell," and I think that sums up my little letter.

Cheers!